Caffeine Comedowns!

A Story By Ellen Fromm

At boarding school we did this thing called 7/11. It’s where you put 7 teaspoons of instant coffee and 11 teaspoons of white sugar in a mug with a splash of milk. While the thought of that now makes my liver cringe, it’s how we stayed up all night cramming for exams. By 16, coffee was life. My poor developing brain would get headaches without it. Then I moved to Melbourne, the coffee capital of Australia. No more 7/11’s, but hello cold brews and hot baristas. Coffee was my petrol. I couldn’t start my brain without it. Second gear was impossible without a second coffee. Perhaps you can relate?

My name is Ellen and I’m a caffeine addict. 

Or I was. I’m currently 2 months sober after trying to quit for the last six years.  

How?! More importantly, why? Well, I’ve done my best to explain everything I’ve learnt by distilling it into a single shot for you. Hopefully in a way that might make you think twice about your next coffee. 

Ok, let’s jump in my time machine for a minute and go back to 2014. Back to a time before Trump ruined everything and we were all dancing around to “Happy” by Pharrell... Oh how ironic. Anyway, it’s my first year of full time work, complete with an inhouse coffee machine and a barista who’d ensure we were gassed up every morning. Now, I didn’t know this yet, but my poor adrenal glands wouldn’t stand a chance against advertising. I was burnt out before I even started and hit whatever is below rock bottom soon after my introduction by fire. To get through, I turned to old mate caffeine. Coffee fuelled my creativity. But it was also fuelling my anxiety, my gut problems, my hormonal imbalances and my insomnia. 

And I had no idea. 

The next few years were just patterns repeating. Well, that’s not entirely true. After finding out I had chronically low iron, I started taking my health more seriously. I saw a string of expensive specialists. Each diagnosed me with something new - PCOS, adrenal fatigue, leaky gut and so on - but no one could really give me a clear answer about my health. I was 22 and felt like I was 102. Slowly, I improved my diet, upped my exercise, got control of my sleep. Things got better, but mostly they stayed the same. Looking back, it was probably (most definitely) because I was still consuming three flat whites a day and was stressed out of my mind. 

Stress, coffee, exhaustion, coffee, stress, exhaustion, coffee, stress, coffee. Maybe you’re familiar with this cycle? My adrenal glands are very familiar with it. See our adrenals kindly look after our stress hormones; adrenaline and cortisol. Which is great, if you’re in trouble… Like if you’re running away from a bear, the adrenals kick in to get you out of there. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never met a bear. My body thinks I have though. Turns out the body can’t tell the difference between types of stress. So running late for a meeting or receiving a shitty email sends your brain the same signal as BEAR! Coffee also sends your brain these signals. That’s why you feel so ready to take on the world after your morning brew. Coffee keeps you up, alert and ready for danger. Thing is, you can’t keep this level of “upness” up. 

I’ve known this for a while now. I knew caffeine wasn’t good for me. I knew it was making my underlying health issues worse. BUT IT TASTES SOOOO GOOD. It’s a lovely treat. It’s a part of the day that’s just for me. No way could I function without it! Anyway, I tried giving it up. Guys trust me, I tried. About three times I gave up coffee for 6 month stints. The first week of each time, I wanted to chop my head off. But after that, it was honestly ok. Boring, but ok. Anyway as you’ve probably guessed, coffee crept back in. Usually in parallel with life busyness and work deadlines. Hurtling me hard and fast back into my addiction. 

With the arrogance of hindsight, I can now see that my reasons for giving up coffee were never quite as strong as my double shot flat whites. I also had no faith that I could actually quit and continue as a high functioning corporate woman. Well guys, you can and here’s a tip… If you’re serious about giving up caffeine, find your true, deep motivation. For me, the straw that broke the coffee’s back was that I was just sooo over health issues ruling my life. No matter how “clean” my diet was or how much wellness I consumed, I was still burnt out. My gut was still a complete mess. And I was broke from all of the above. I was at the end of my tether. 

So at the end of last year, I gave up coffee for good. And I was oh so proud of myself. Completely chuffed. Sure, it was a good achievement, but I hadn’t really given up anything… Jump forward to our recent lockdowns where I was having about seven English Breakfast teas a day. Work was more stressful than ever, well gosh, the whole world was more overwhelming than ever. Anyway I realised that I wasn’t getting out of bed unless I went straight to the kettle. I’d get jittery when it was time for the next cup. And again I was getting headaches when I went without. See, only when I started buying my own tea bags, did I realise just how much I was consuming. Eeeeek.

I innately knew caffeine was bad for me, which hadn’t changed anything before, but finally something clicked. I was frustrated at my health. I had nothing to lose. So I went cold tea turkey. I’m going to be honest. It was the worst two weeks of my life. Or my brain told me it was. Man, caffeine is one of the strongest drugs. Detoxing was exhausting. Like new levels of tired and depressed. But from everything I’d learnt, I knew this was a good thing. 

And it was. At the end of that first fortnight, I woke up before my alarm. I didn’t need to snooze. I was ready to get up. I don’t remember ever having that feeling before. I went to the gym and had a great workout. And walking home, I had this overwhelming feeling that I was finally producing my own energy. There were no artificial uppers. I felt happy, and it was all me. That might sound weird, but I don’t know how else to describe it. I could feel parts of my body working that I hadn’t felt before. It was weirdly empowering. 

Now two months-ish on, and no part of me craves coffee or tea anymore. My head feels clearer and more spacious. It’s like the part of my brain that was constantly thinking about coffee has stopped screaming and I have more space to think. Which is nice. 

I’m calmer, more tolerant and have more capacity for the stuff that inevitably goes wrong. And the most exciting part, I have more energy. Real energy! Not caffeine infused, crash and burn energy. 

Giving up coffee hasn’t solved all my problems. I don’t want this to sound like a bad infomercial. But I feel like removing caffeine has been a huge step in allowing my body to heal and repair. And I’m pretty excited to see what happens next. 

One last thing, I feel like it’s important to acknowledge that the world is addicted to coffee. And that this addiction has been normalised by marketing and our competitive busyness. But coffee isn’t essential. You do function without it. Actually, you function surprisingly better without it… So if you’re contemplating your own break up with caffeine, just give it a go. It might take a while, but it will be worth it in the end.